Still Not Convinced?

My wife and I have been really consistent at walking the dogs at night and our conversations have finally progressed into subjects other than the girls and volleyball. We are starting to focus on eachother and our selves. Which is progress

Thank you Marriage Mavericks for giving me the tools i need to keep growing my relationship. 12 weeks of intense work has put me in a great place.! Im never going back going to keep the inertia wheel turning forward, to all of you in the program i wish you the best of luck. This program is incredible and i am so thankful!

Hi, I used the CIAC from the coaches to increase more one-on-on time with my wife without children or work interruptions and my wife understood and agreed to it. We will set some time together hopefully this weekend itself. Will be sure to use principal vs progress to achieve this agreement! I am feeling very good about this and will ensure to move the inertia in the correct direction.

Wins updated Had some real progress the past week. Went on a date night on Friday. Usually my wife isn’t super enthusiastic when we plan one. This time was different. She was engaged and ready to go and excited. That’s nice to see again. Conversation was really good and flowing naturally. Similar to how things used to be. Also I’ve been putting morning post it notes to my wife on her cold brew bottle. Haven’t missed a day in over a month. That’s a huge win for me as I tend to be forgetful on things like that long term

My birthday was this past week. Wasn’t sure what to expect from my spouse. I booked a massage and facial as self care and a gift for myself, enjoyed every minute of it. Husband surprised me with flowers and dinner with the kids. It was nice to celebrate and receive some love and time.

If you would have asked me 12 weeks ago if we would have ended up here I would have said definitely not. 12 weeks of hard work, determination and staying in my marriage was my goal and I continue to chose my husband everyday from here on out! We are stronger than we have ever been. The proof is in the pudding. Don’t lose faith. Trust the process and the program

He came over and spread out on my new couch for a couple hours with the kids and hugged me twice. He also asked about what is going on in our lives during our check in, and said he would think about some ways I coule support him. Going from, "never call me again in your life" to this is promising.

Win! Greg and I have a golf date tomorrow that was setup a long time ago as it's a benefit for a mutual friend. Last night I asked him if we could just have Sunday as a low key, hang out and rest day for just he and I. He agreed. I'm pretty excited because most of our weekend time together has been with other people. Wonder Woman Jackie is going to show up and be consistent, calm, positive and safe. Wish me luck!

We played the 20 questions game tonight and both had more fun than we expected! I only 'missed' one point but Greg won so I had to scoop the ice cream! Lol. This was homework and a win in my book!

When my husband got sick 2 weeks ago.. it shook me up a little bit and I was scared for him. We have not said “I love you” in over 2 months to each other. I had told him I loved him when he was in the hospital and he reciprocated. It was always me initiating the “I love you” and not him so I scaled back and stopped saying it. The past few days he has initiated the “I love you” when leaving for work trips, on the phone at the end of conversations and at night before we go to sleep. The shift is real ❤️

Check ins and effectively taking time to understand her feelings and giving her support has led to me receiving good positive feedback and inviting me back into our home. Still alot of work to be done. Remain on task and complete the course to continue to grow and improve. Remaining consistent everyday. Challenge accepted!

Win! Reboot Date Greg agreed to the Reboot Date with me and I hope it's something he'll really enjoy. We're going in a guided Bass fishing trip in a couple weeks, staying in a quaint motel and having dinner at a nice steak house. I'll probably have to do the Crossroads Conversation after dinner during a stroll along the river. I'm pretty excited for the opportunity!

Had my first check in with my husband. Used the bridge protocol. Did it via text, as our kids were up a bit late but I wanted us to connect. It went over well! He was very receptive and engaged. Learned where we are on the same page and what new opportunities he is looking to pursue in the near future. This is a great tool and I can see us being able to connect and not just on the heavy matters of touching base only when we “need to talk” but forging a consistent healthy connection.

Win! I just wanted to share that while I'm a little afraid of disappointment, I'm choosing to be positive and believe in the best case scenario. Here's the WIN: Greg has agreed to speak to Coach Cassie and do some of the course work with me! Tonight is our check-in and I'm planning to finish 2 of the 4 assignments the coaches set for him to dive into. I know this is huge and am trying to manifest the confidence that he actually takes the call and see the benefits I'm seeing! Fingers and toes crossed!

Wins: Coaching call and progress I wanted to share that Greg has now been 'home' and in the bedroom with me for a full week now! We had some I Love You's earlier this week from him. We're leaving tonight for our weekend camping/BBR concert weekend after our joint co-ed softball game tonight! Coach Brianna helped me recognize my growth since starting this program and I really needed that. I feel I've grown in all my relationships not just my marriage. I feel like Wonder Woman Jackie has taken ahold and is putting my life back on the track I'd like to travel in life! I'm grateful and feeling positive!

I delivered the letter this morning. I left it in her car and knew she would see it by about 10 am. She texted me back pretty quickly. Saying that she loved reading it and that it meant a lot to her. Overall. I feel really good about it.

I want to say that this has been such a positive experience and I wish I had found you guys 6 months earlier. I finished the courses. I loved the last class! You guys are great!! I have learned soooo much and have become a much more connected, positive, and confident person because of your courses. I have to tell you, something has shifted with my husband. He has started doing check-ins with me and his whole tone is improving. Not as depressed. We haven't processed any paperwork. I will continue to push forward and use the tools that I have learned from you. I will live consciously and build on my progress. Thank you for sharing so much of yourselves!

Harnessing Opportunity Last night, we watched a show together. Laughed and joked and it felt warm and a bit easy. He initiated the time, picked a show with me in mind and we enjoyed each other’s company. It has not been that way for a while. I’m making a conscious effort to show up calm, peaceful and consistent and appears to be allowing him to make small bids of opportunity. We have a brunch date tomorrow, I initiated that request and he agreed and we are both looking forward to the time and experience. It’s been months since we went on a date just the two of us.

Little Things. Big Wins. This weekend meant a lot to me. It was my birthday, but honestly, the best part wasn't anything that could be wrapped. The last couple of weeks, I've felt us getting a little closer. Nothing dramatic. Just... closer. We've made time for each other, laughed together, and were intimate twice this week. It's been a while since things have felt this natural, and I don't take that for granted. What really got me, though, was something so simple. The last few mornings, Sunny has kissed me goodbye before leaving for her early workout. That may not sound like much, but in the 13 years we've been together, she's never really done that. It's such a small gesture, but if you know me, you know physical affection is my love language. Those little kisses have meant more than she'll probably ever realize. For the first time in a long time, I feel like she's not just hearing me... she's responding. After feeling like I was carrying the fight for our marriage by myself for so many months, that means more than I can put into words. Seeing her intentionally love me in ways that matter to me has been incredibly healing. We're still a work in progress. We still have hard days. But this weekend gave me hope that we're moving in the right direction. I'm really proud of us and grateful that it finally feels like we're both carrying the weight together. Here's to stacking another win 🔥

WinSSS! My husband called this morning and asked me to golf with him and some mutual friends at the end of this month for a friend's benefit tournament! While taking about it, we agreed to bring the camper he's been living in home tomorrow night to clean and get it packed for our concert weekend in 10 days! AND we discussed possibly going to a roping together this Saturday! I'm over the moon and trying to remind myself that this is terrific but not a sign that all is fixed. I'll keep showing up and praying!!

I used the CIAC method and had a productive conversation with my husband about the bedroom setup for our kids. He had a different thought than I and usually I get stuck at what I perceive as my husband shutting me down when we don’t automatically align. But I came back with curiosity, and it allowed him to share more of this perspective, which ultimately will be a win for us. Reclaiming space that will be ours again. We walked away feeling heard and on the same page.

Love Lives in the Turns My wife and I have been working on being more intentional with our time by scheduling quality time, intimacy time, free time, and, as a unique addition to our relationship, individual time. One thing she's shared is that she needs healthy space to recharge, so we turned our guest bedroom into a little "She Shed" where she can read, relax, and simply have a space of her own. After a few weeks of working through the idea—and a few prickly conversations—we finally put it into practice. Last night was our first intentional date night. We played Mario Kart, danced together, and simply enjoyed each other's company. Intimacy wasn't part of the plan, but creating space for connection without expectations allowed it to happen naturally. We also stumbled onto another tradition we're excited to start: our own book club. We'll take turns choosing a book, read it together, and have weekly book club nights. She picked the first book, and seeing how excited she was made me smile. We're still a work in progress, but last night reminded me of something: Sometimes the best way to create more togetherness is to make room for healthy independence. And sometimes, the smallest intentional choices create the biggest moments. Two more wins drifted into our marriage last night. Turns out the best boosts come when you're willing to lean into the turns together. 🥰❤️

I’ll be honest…seeing Gina’s Reboot date post reminded me that I was supposed to post about mine… So, here’s a recap of the amazing memories I got to make with my wife on our glassblowing adventure! You can say things got a little heated on date night… We had a great time, shared some memorable laughs, and experienced something neither of us had ever done before. Sunny has always been the crafty and thrifty one, so while this wasn’t your ordinary WOW factor Reboot date, the effect was definitely there for us. The night was a reminder that you really do know your spouse better than anyone despite what you’re going through. So when I dug deep and remembered how invested she was in the show Blown Away, always saying how it would be so cool to try glassblowing, I knew what our irresistible date had to be. Not everything went perfectly to plan, and that’s okay. She thanked me for a great night, offered me a sweet kiss, stayed in bed with me, and we cuddled until we fell asleep. Fast forward 2 weeks and we just went on our second date this past weekend! We still have work to do and that’s okay. But we are taking the small wins for what they are worth and moving toward each other. The wins are stacking and my frame is bigger. Thank you for the inspiration and reminder to post, Gina!

My wife saw the letter today and this morning told me that she read it. She thought it to be very insightful for myself and that she sees the self reflection I am going through. She then said that she wants to write a letter back to me because it is better to have something in writing than to just speak about it. This way we can memorialise this time. I did mention to her that I didn't need any reply or even an acknowledgment if she didn't want to. Additionally, she mentioned that in my letter I took a lot of ownership and responsibility of what is going on in our relationship but did say "what is going on with us is more to do with me than you Sagar so I want to tell you about it in writing so we don't misinterpret it and we can talk about it later"

My wife just got back from Spain yesterday and I picked her up from the airport. We saw/heard the Spain vs France game in the car while I drove while she was working on her phone. Spain won (yay!). She has had a few days to recharge in Barcelona which opened her up some more. She even messaged me that she loves me when she was there and this morning she kissed me on the lips after many months, it was more like a peck and said I love you, have a great day. I know it may have been unconsciously but still, I'm taking this as a win.!

The Road Goes Ever On...One Step Closer Last night reminded me that intimacy isn't something you earn by checking enough boxes. It's something that grows when two people begin feeling safe with each other again. During our weekly check-in, my wife and I had another honest conversation about physical intimacy. She shared that she's still struggling with it, but she also told me she believes we'll get there—and that's why she's still here. That sentence alone meant more to me than I can put into words. A little while later, unprompted, she asked if I wanted a hug. I happily said yes and just let her lead. One hug turned into another... and then, well... you get the picture. The biggest takeaway for me wasn't the sex. It was what came before it. The emotional connection came first, and everything else simply followed. It felt genuine, mutual, and unforced, and I think that's what made it so meaningful. A few months ago, I probably would've looked at a night like this as proof that everything was fixed. Today, I see it differently. It's not the finish line, and that's okay. It's another step in the right direction and another reminder that trust and intimacy are built through consistent actions, honest conversations, and choosing each other day after day. I'm grateful for where we are, hopeful for where we're going, and excited to keep taking the next step together. In the wise words of Bilbo Baggins: "I'm going on an adventure." And our journey is just beginning.

Check-In Celebration! Actually started checking in in week two… just didn’t know it’s part of the program. The results are great in that we both are getting a better understanding of each others feelings. I’m learning things that I never knew about myself and this amazing woman I married. Conversation are naturally becoming about us and not just me or her. Thanks Mavericks, for the support and encouragement.

The date script works. My wife served me divorce papers on a Monday. Wednesday I handwrote the letter, and she agreed. We had dinner on Thursday and it was very pleasant despite what we've been going through. We're at 12.5 years, and the recent year has been our most difficult. She betrayed me, and I exposed her betrayal to her circle of friends. I absolutely didn't think she would accept the date. I followed the script for the date, and she has agreed to the 3 months. She even apologized for the betrayal during the dinner, which surprised me, and I made sure to not go into that. I kept it about my intent to work on myself. Don't give up!

Too much to post this week.... The cherry on top was Susan asked me to the movies tonight! I think this Maverick thing is working 😄Winning more every week!

Our pickup needed to be picked up from the shop and Greg was willing to help me get it home. He said he'd ride to work with me in this morning and I could drop him off. I asked if he wanted to stay last night at the house and he said we'd see. Later I mentioned that he could make tacos at the house as I had hamburger that needed to be used. He said he could do that. I came home yesterday and he was making tacos for us! We watched TV and he stayed the night with me! This morning we got breakfast burritos, he came to work with me and then I dropped him off at the shop. When I was leaving, he says he'd see me later! Apparently he plans on being at the house when I get home! I'm so happy. He also mumbled once and out loud once, said I love you too when I said it last night/this morning. I'm staying calm and real that things are not fixed at all, but I'm definitely reveling in the progress!

I'm Brenna, married for 9 years with 3 kids, from Seattle. Before Marriage Mavericks, my husband bringing up divorce left me feeling like a ship lost at sea during a storm, with no idea where to go or what I needed to do. We kept having the same fights for years and he was tired of it.

Healing Doesn't Always Make Headlines. Sometimes It Just Wears a Ring. Last night, my wife put her wedding ring on for the first time in months before we went out to dinner with friends. To anyone else, it may have seemed like a small thing. To me, it meant a lot. A few months ago, I probably would have viewed it as the finish line. Today, I see it as a reflection of something much more important: consistent actions, patience, and showing up every day are beginning to rebuild trust. Whether she wears the ring again tomorrow isn't the point. What matters is that we're continuing to move toward each other instead of away from each other. Sometimes the biggest victories aren't loud. They're quiet reminders that healing is happening, one small step at a time. Onward.

Things are clicking! Hottie is sharing things without me asking, is honoring my asks, AND is starting to make plans for us for the future!! Still showing up as Iron Mel BUT starting to see movement——STAY the course and do NOT compare your journey to others!

For Father’s Day I put all my Hotties medals in a frame to hang on the family wall. He bawled like a baby then hugged me sincerely and told me how amazing I was, and how much he loves me. He asked where I found his medals, and how do I always pick the most meaningful gifts! It was a REAL connection on all levels

He asked a specific question about my day So the last few weeks I’ve tried a new approach with Hottie on what he hoped to accomplish—just one or if he was using the day to relax. This morning he beat me to the punch and asked me. I told him we were taking the students bowling today. When I got home he followed up with how was bowling? Just the fact that he asked me weeks of nothing— Keep showing up!

Working out is at the top of my list because, since starting this journey, I realized I had not been taking good care of myself. My health had begun to decline, and I knew I needed to make a change. Since committing to this program, I have made fitness a priority and have lost nearly 50 pounds in just under two months. Beyond the weight loss, exercising has helped me feel healthier, more energized, and more confident, making it one of the most effective self-care strategies in my life.

My wife has been out of town for a week with work. The time apart was incredibly beneficial for us both. It allowed me to cool off, take accountability for my part and pursue help with this program. We planned to have a big conversation upon her return. Michael stressed to me to complete the quick start and let the commitment letter start the conversation. The letter was received well. She was proud of me for finding the support I needed without making it her responsibility. She has faith in me to make the changes our marriage needs. We have agreed to not attempt a physical separation. This is a huge win! She's giving us another chance. Now I have to lock in and do my part

COMMITMENT LETTER DELIVERY I left the letter on the kitchen table this morning after she blasted me last night with "what is your plan?" After I gave a brief idea of my plan and intent, she and I went to sleep... Woke up this morning to a conversation that we have never had, in a way we never have... We haven't had any extended conversation in weeks. I'm already grateful for Marriage Mavericks!

Hottie saw that I was hurting and suggested I go get a massage and he’d pay 💰. Hottie offered to buy me lunch because he knew I was hungry. Hottie was pleasant/touchy at graduation party of his family. Hottie pick and paid for grandsons bday gift from us and just asked if I would mind wrapping it. Hottie LOVED the flirty "hot for teacher" video I sent him..which put him in the mood for “reconnection”— Hottie made and follows through with the optometrist (hasn’t been since 2018) where he purchased some sexy new spectacles. starting to see MORE movement and a changed energy from me just showing up as Iron Mel and doing the work/modules!

Wins! 6/6-8 Wanted to post something as I have been quiet. I flew home Friday night late. The whole family stayed up to see me as I thought everyone would be asleep as it was 12am by the time I walked in. Nothing but hugs from everyone and stories on how the week was. My wife and I was intimate and had a great night! Sat the 6th was my sons 9th birthday party and there was a lot of preparation. I was put on shopping duty and ran to the store to get all the supplies needed. The party was a huge hit and entertained 12-15 families. Once everyone left it was a mad rush to clean up and pack for a Cancun trip Sunday we got up early and left for vacation. We all got First class so it felt good as a family flying together. We landed in Cancun early so had the whole day to play and have fun. We spent to much time in the sun and way to many margaritas. The night ended with us all outside watching a show lying together.

Wins 5/30 -6/1 First Check in went amazing! We scheduled them for Sundays going forward since that’s the day we both have the least distractions We got two rooms packed up together and are moving closer to finishing our move. My wife and I started a new series together called Dutton Ranch Went to my sons last local Teakwondo session and that was emotional for me. I’m back in GA in a few days and then a week together as family in Cancun on the 5th

I also thought no way this works. She moved out served separation papers and would talk to me. Just do the work and take it one day at a time. I'm still learning. We had our date last night. I was so scared I forgot most of the ciac method but my wife said. Don't worry keep at it and you'll learn it. That method helped her see me differently so we could get to the conversation

Wins over the weekend My husband spent the afternoon and evening at our house yesterday. I asked him to join me in doing the Murph Challenge. Something he has done by himself for years. I did this for me as a way to validate the effort I have made over the last year in my weight loss and fitness journey. You finish off with a mile run. We were doing a weighted vest walk. We had a great conversation where he shared some details about being deployed during the Gulf Wars (he has rarely shared details). It felt good to have him open up. A few hours after he left I sent him a text thanking him for his support and he responded I should be proud of myself! It felt great!

Having a great time with the wife and son. I let her have my 4 runner while she was in town while I drove a friends car. I had put in the odometer so I could see it everyday the picture in my journal that reminded me of a time we were at our best. Today she mentioned the picture and we laughed how long it was ago. We talked about how we looked and what a fun trip that was. She is noticing the work being put in. I am still a little cautious on if one thing could make things goes sideways so I keep putting up a guard.

Wins 5/22 My wife flew in last night late. When her and my son landed it was already late. They got to see our new house for the first time and everyone jumped in the pool for a night swim. Had a great night and woke up to work. She had woke up before I did to cook breakfast. We had a great conversation in the morning and I left for work. Later in the day I got a visit from them at my work and we discussed dinner plans. We decided to go to the beach and have dinner there. She had been more engaging that I have seen her in a long time. The weekend has just started.

Win! Finally after 2 months of being apart. My wife and son are now in FL. We still have a lot of moving parts with unpacking and situational stuff. The 2 dogs, my son and wife are all loving it and we are ready to start the new chapter together.

Wins Charlie’s work trip canceled. I was a little nervous it would break routine- but felt more confident after the call. Saturday- did self care and went out with a friend. Charlie told me I looked nice before I left. Think he was a little jealous because he kept asking where I was going. I got home he asked me how it was and then was super affectionate. We were intimate- he initiated. After wards he went back downstairs to the room he sleeps in but kept staring at his spot in our bed. I did not ask him to stay because I didn’t want to seem needy. Sunday- we went to church and jammed out in the car with the girls! We even laughed and joked while wearing Burger King hats! He thanked me for dinner and we had our weekly check in.

Woke up to a message from my wife. Letting me know that she misses me and that she and Walter can’t wait to come down to FL next weekend for Memorial Day. Hard work paying off. We have been communicating every day and things are heading in the right direction.

As I was going through my notebook tonight, I paused at the first page. My 3 goals along with the picture of my husband and I. I suddenly realized I've met my first goal! Goal #1 - I want us to have open, honest conversations where he feels safe sharing his feelings with me. We have been communicating a lot, only in the last two weeks. My husband is opening up to me and sharing his feelings, things he never did in nearly 25 years. He feels safe with me. I'm going to try and keep it that way!

Got home last night. Kait was in her room so I went and had a hot sauna. She eventually came and found me and with me sitting there only in my shorts she smiled mischievously and left. I showered, then went to her room and gave her a hug to officially say hello after a work week away. We then had a check in and chatted for a long time then she asked if I would stay with her for the night. She reminded me quickly we were still getting a divorce but also said she needed me. We slept in the same bed for the first time in 3 months.

Wins 5/9-11 Came back home ✅ Held hands ✅ Had great conversations ✅ I was present with little distractions ✅ Letter delivered ✅ Got lucky 😍 Flying back home this morning and they fly down to vist next Weekend. Now just to keep doing the work and showing up.

Wins this week 05/02-05/08 •05/03- My wife asked me to take the next day off to spend some time with her and our son (which it surprise me because usually her days off goes out with her friends). Which I appreciate her taking the time to spend family time together because we haven’t done so for a long time. •05/04- We went out for a walk around the outlets and took some nice memorable photos. Also, went out to a wonderful Mexican restaurant and came to find out our son likes melon water which that was funny to watch his reaction. •05/06- my wife decided to unblock me from instagram. Which kinda a big win for me because she has me block in all social media platform for several months and the only communication we have is literally text/call which is understandable because it is for our son. •05/06- My wife and her mother had a terrible argument over the phone. (Not going to get into much detail) but I was there for her to listen and just be there for her support. I used CIAC method that day to kinda ease her mood and the situation. Which that helped out a lot and it made her feel less upset and less angry. •05/07- My wife started to notice some changes (still not convinced) but its okay. Started to take lead on doing a lot of house chores and getting groceries done before she came home from a long shift at work. Made dinner for her and our son.

Mr. Incredible just had a great weekend with Kaitlin. We started by attending the Boys and Girls Club Winemakers Dinner Friday night, where we laughed alot and just had fun. We did a checkin that evening before going out and discussed what is going well and what isn't...yet. We then proceeded to go out of town for the weekend with our kids as our daughter had a soccer tournament. We travelled and stayed separately, and I had the kids, but in all the time we spent together on and off the field, we had a lot of fun. After travelling home separately, (I got home first as I have a much heavier foot haha), she came and found me in the workout room and gave a huge hug and thanked me for the weekend. She also later kissed me on the cheek. The weekend was not without a few less than ideal moments, but overall, I think I showed up for her, and she felt it.

Win! Today while getting ready to go breakfast as a family. Charlie looked at me and said I just want to tell you I am proud of you for losing the weight you wanted and keeping it off. It was unprompted and just sweet. I have lost about 30 pounds at first from being sick but now I have joined the gym and am putting in effort.

Win! Yesterday I had kidney stone surgery. Not fun for anyone who has not had it. Charlie brought me to hospital and stayed with me the whole time. When I was wheeled back he kissed my head. Then took amazing care of me when I got home. He even said he was nervous when the Dr called and said I was good but it took 2 hours until he was able to see me. I will take this as a win.

Monday I have to go in for a kidney stone procedure. Charlie offered to bring me. I told him my mom could do it and he insisted he would. He even offered to go out of his way to pick me up from my school’s field trip so I could attend it with my class before the procedure.

Looking back at my journal activity Today’s assignment was to spend ten minutes in my journal. After doing that I realized most of my brags and wins are about me! I am changing for the better. I am more confident. I am less reactive. I have learned that I am stepping up and being the person I need to be. I can only hope that with my positive changes he can learn to trust me again.

The Beacon is Lit! I had a touchy situation I had to deal with today and before I dove in, I asked myself "what would my superhero do and how would she talk here?" I was even able to apply snippets from other lessons about growth and accountability, all while exhibiting my superhero traits. The best part? My husband was only partially involved (as in he was not the other party but still had a hand in what went down), but we were able to STAND TOGETHER and come out stronger because I used this as an opportunity to build on our trust, communication, and to show my consistency.

I let Cassie know this on our last 1:1 call, but I do have a quick win to share. Kaitlin and I are going through some "stuff" to be sure, but she asked me on a date for next Friday night in support of the local Boys and Girls Club, an organization we have supported in the past. Giddy-up - the theme is Cowboy Night!

Last night an unexpected situation arose prompting the need for discussion. Luckily, I completed the Mod on the TRUTH conversation a few hours before and was able to use those principles during our talk, focusing on progress over principle, reassuring, listening, and asking how I can support. Many tears were shed yet we remained calm and the conversation overall went pretty well. We shared emotional and physical closeness and went to bed side by side in a much better place. This morning my husband said he felt like this was the first real conversation we’ve had in the last four years. I’m grateful that I was able to implement the skills from that Mod for this conversation and that he’s seeing that I am working on changing.

I surprised my spouse with some unplanned us time before picking up the kids after school yesterday. He was very appreciative and said that “us time” is one of the things he’s been missing. I apologized told him I’d like to schedule “us time” on a weekly basis and that I realize it needs to be a priority. He agreed. Plan to further discuss during our check in tomorrow.

Hey mom, I just wanted to say that I appreciate everything you have done recently. I appreciate all the talks we have had even when I have gotten mad. I like that we talk about it instead of staying upset at each other and I’m grateful that we found a way to communicate even if I don’t know how to respond. Your responses and apologies mean a lot to me and I’m sorry I get upset so often but I am trying as well. I know I don’t always explain myself well in the moment and sometimes I just shut down or get frustrated instead of saying what I actually mean. It’s not that I don’t care, I just struggle with putting it into words sometimes. I really do notice the effort you put in and it matters to me. Even when I don’t respond the best, I do hear you and I do think about it after. Thank you mama and I love you

Had a MT EVERST win last night as hubby climbed into bed he held me and told me he wanted to reconnect. He states that he noticed the changes I was making and thanked me for “being me”. He apologized for his behavior and said he was working through some things. I told him I was honoring his request for space and then reminded him that I still care about him and that I didn’t need him to be perfect that I just needed him to be able to communicate so I could know how to show up and support him. I reminded him that we made a good team when we worked together. He told me he loved me and said he was sorry. He thanked me for “just being me” and said he couldn’t imagine his life without me. I reminded him that “Iron Mel” is loyal and doesn’t bend and how proud of him I was for trusting me enough ti be vulnerable and honest and how HOT was! I know we still have work to do BUT the bridge back has been crossed as he LEANS back into our marriage!! STAY THE COURSE, be consistent, work the program even in the “valley of disappear”…your love is watching and listening. YOU are the influence…baby steps! We got this!!

HUGE Win A week or so ago, I mentioned to my husband how it would be nice to go away for a couple of days, just the two of us, like we used to do before we had kids. A few days ago he texted me some links to pick a hotel for a 4 day trip to CANCUN for my birthday in August 😭😭😭 Two months ago I would have never thought we could get back to that point. I am now more determined than ever to do the work and keep showing up

I’m so glad that my husband joined the kids and me on Spring Break. Originally he didn’t plan on coming but then last minute changed his mind. We’re at his parents’ house a few hours away and doing some small day trips. Today we went to the zoo and had a pretty good time overall. Hoping to keep this momentum going.

Great weekend..lots of wins watched a movie together/ball game and had good discussion..was able to be curious. he ordered dinner and included my my first ask about taxes and hvac payment was a success. I see some softening...still being light and honoring his space.

I have two to share! 1. We did spring break travel with our boys and we had a great time. Went to animal kingdom. Had good days and nights. 2. Had a bit of a rough start to the trip with high stress rushing and raised voices and tension. This would have ordinarily derailed our whole trip and we would have been fighting. Instead he came to me the next am and actually apologized. This is a HUGE step for him. I thanked him and we moved on. Grateful for the positive progress we are making❤️

Taking the win for using CIAC to initiate and have a conversation about some of our struggles last week. I really worked on being curious and listening, asking “anything else” and then listening some more as my husband opened up. I took ownership for the areas that I didn’t measure up and didn’t follow through as I should have. Feeling a little more positive. I’ve been looking for opportunities to improve positive interaction (as I did early on in this course, and then kind of forgot about). Proud of my growth and improving communication skills.

He kept his word, and I did it without even telling me! He picked up the pool chemicals needed, brought them by the house, put them in the pool and removed the vac for me. This morning when leaving, I placed the vac in the pool to run again. This afternoon I went to pull it out, and it wasn’t in the pool! I thought I was losing my mind! Gave us a reason to have some more positive communication too! Four out of four days of communication, following through with his word and doing a favor for a friend. Hoping to keep this momentum going!

Dropped it and sent her this photo. She read it at the end of the day, and I happened to be there. She turned to me, smiled, and thanked me for it. Big win!

would you rather... Been using the would you rather strategy on my hottie and it is working. Sticking to music 🎶 but we had a light conversation that felt like normal. Grabbing those opportunities by the horn!

I have a BRAG to share. I wrote my Declaration Commitment and left it for Kaitlin my wife to easily find. Well she did and about two hours later she called. I didn’t answer and didn’t return the call till the next day, expecting her to rebuke, but instead told me “I found your letter and I really appreciated what you said”! Small win, yes?

It's small but noticeable. Shanna has started to text more frequently and quicker response time. Now the text have shifted from the things married people have to talk about to the more casual everyday this and that's. Back and forth with funny memes and joking around. The little meaningless conversations that mean oh so much. It's nice to be talking again.

I liked the stack of wins that @Erika Feller did and I'm a big fan of list. So this is a tribute to that post. 1. We were more "us" this weekend than we have been in months. 2. We had several laughs together. 3. We went out all weekend together and actually enjoyed it. 4. She didn't turn, push, or back away when we stood or sat close. 5. She allowed incidental touches without flinching

So my wife was have an emotional affair that turned into her wanting to separate and start seeing other people, this absolutely crushed me. However after giving letter of intent as well as reading my 48 hour marriage reboot letter she still claims she got to learn how to fall back in love but I really feel this was tremendous progress that really made me feel like her willingness to correct marriage may be there.

Small win this evening, when I informed her of a decision I had made she said "I'm so very proud of you for making that decision". I don't think that she has ever said that to me. At least not with that sincerity.

My husband and I are starting to communicate better and come together more as a team, which has been one of my wants for as long as I can remember. It’s easy for me to fall back into old patterns, but having post-it notes all over the house to “check my state” definitely helps. Last night when I was starting to get frustrated with our son, my husband calmly reminded me to take some breaths. There has been less yelling in our house and our kids seem a little more relaxed also. I am working on my self-care list which is proving to be a bit of a challenge. Currently taking a walk on a cool sunny day and getting out into fresh air which is one daily self care must for sure.

Yesterday I was able to bring up a difficult subject, that previously I would have likely avoided, using CIAC and asking “anything else”. While it was still uneasy, I felt good acknowledging the issue and my spouse thanked me for bringing it up.

Quick goodbye, but with a kiss The other morning, Hubs waited for me to get up out of bed before leaving for his work trip instead of just a quick hug. Even though it was brief, it felt like a small step toward reconnecting and maintaining our relationship rituals of at least a hug before traveling. I even got a kiss on the lips, which hasn't happened in a very long time. I'm super grateful and want to continue to make efforts to have this happen more often.

My husband and I have very different parenting styles/philosophies which has been a big strain on our marriage, and I tend to not yield much in this area, often putting us on opposite sides instead of together as a team. Today when another situation arose I tried to listen to his message, instead of the way it was delivered, express my thoughts without “lecturing“ and without anger, and found common ground where we could be on the same team. We still disagreed on some things, but at least found some things to agree on and were able to discuss it with our kids as a unified front. In the past, it has usually been the kids and me against him. Feel like we’re moving in the right direction.

I have been sick the last 2 weeks with whatever is going around. I'm getting better though and feel pretty good but it was miserable there a few days. The unfortunate part is my wife has came down with the same thing. After her spending 2 weeks taking care of me when I was home I told her I will take care of her. I picked up some meds from the pharmacy, grabbed some bath salts, some of her favorite chocolate, went home and cooked some tomato soup for her with garlic and herbs, toasted up some of her home made gluten free bread, ran her a nice hot bath with salts and essential oils, and just took care of her last night. Finished her laundry, made the bed, took care of the dishes and put everything up. It was a lot of work when your doing it alone and taking care of your sick spouse. She asked me if I was ok. I said yes my love. I'm just fine. She said, You have never taken care of me like this and I'm just not used to it. That hurt to hear her say that but it felt good at the same time. I WANTED to do all of that stuff for her. She didn't ask, I just did it. I cant remember the last time I felt that way when she was sick. This program will change your life and marriage! keep putting in the work! I finished off the night by rubbing Vicks on her chest, nose, and feet, kissed her goodnight and said wake me up if you need anything. Besides the cat and dog being annoying, it was a nice night.

Owning my shit talk. I know i have been posting a lot of wins but this course is already showing results or maybe our marriage wasn't as bad as I thought. Either way I was able to use the CIAC method this morning and apologize in detail for my willing decisions in my career to benefit our family. Because I had used them to say look what I have done and when are you going to step up. Instead of here I am and I love you. After we hugged she cried and I held her feeling the stress of what I had done but never understood drain out of her. Thank you for these lessons that help my look at myself not the world around me. Please know this drives me to continue and not slow down.

Goodmorning cuddles. We decided to not get up and workout as individuals this morning instead Sabrina my wife rolled over to me and rested her arm across my chest and cuddled up to me. This is huge in my mind because it is me rolling over to her and placing my arm around for a long time.

Over the weekend I had some big wins. When I was buckling my daughter into the car seat Friday night, I told Abigail and her that I love you ladies and Abigail responded with we love you too! And then Saturday morning when I was leaving the apartment to go back to the house, I said I love you as I was walking out and she said love you too. We have spent 12 nights in a row together now. Last night as we were laying in bed she just wanted me to hold her as I was holding her the show we were watching had someone plan a proposal and she told me to take notes… She said that if we ever get to be in a good place again, she wants something like that. I am taking all of this as positive signs that she is thinking things through.

Good times keep coming This is night number nine that we have spent together. We have not been a part one single night in this stretch. She invited me over tonight and she has already said we’re spending the night together tomorrow night so that I can take the kids to school Monday morning. Whatever it is I like it and I got a feeling that she is liking it as well. And I take that back, I’m loving it not liking it! Really hoping we can get back on track to being engaged again and looking forward to spending our lives together. The past two months of being apart and not living together has been held on me for the past month and the past week and a half things have really started to turn around

I was tasked with sending my husband messages several times a week as I travel a lot. I have followed through and also sent a CIAC communication around an issue we had and it has definitely prompted better communication and less of the awkward disconnect and silence we were living in. I am even sleeping in our bed vs on the couch. Still no real intimacy and that’s based on my lead as I need to work to get there based on where things were and baby steps. Next steps are some clear discussions and setting a date night. But feeling good about the momentum❤️

Reaching out. Last night I took care of things around the house and join the family on the couch for a show right before bedtime. After a few minutes Sabrina my wife reached over to collect my hand into hers as we sat there watching the show. No words just a look and connection. I know I have just started this journey but taking the steps and self-reflection is already showing wins.

Celebrating a win For the last two days I really worked on seizing opportunities for togetherness (joined my husband cleaning out the garage, showing curiosity about his writing and watching him play basketball with our son and his friend). Today seems like a turning point. My husband joined myself and our kids on a family fun day going go-karting and to the arcade. While we were watching the kids go around the track, he said he sees me making changes, that he missed me and loved me, and we kissed (for the first time in more months than I can remember). This is the first selfie of us in a very long time. I feel like I’m learning to be a better spouse (even though before I started MM I felt my husband was the one that needed more work). I’m feeling grateful and energized.

I’m just starting week 2 but am proud of the self discovery and personal growth I’ve already noticed. I love that MM provides step by step instructions on what to do. I’ve had 4 different therapists and none provided the roadmap that I desperately needed. I feel I’m on the right path now.

Pleasant communication My spouse and I have had a lot of communication lately, and it has been pleasant! And I do not use that word lightly. Every interaction has been calm, receptive and polite, and there have been a LOT of logistics around an event for our college freshman and having some work done on our home. I snuck a little surprise and note for him for his drive to the event. When he found it, he sent me a text saying it was kind of me. Not that long ago, he would not even have acknowledged the gesture.

As our lessons have indicated, I have experienced the peaks and valleys of this process and its progression. I grasp onto the house isn't burning down when things get tough and I write down and focus on the wins as they occur. One of those small wins I want to share; which turned a page for me and proved that there is in fact progress being made. "I've been looking at plane tickets for work and noticed tickets to Tampa seem to be very reasonable, I would really like to take a family trip there sometime!" Gave me a level of comfort and warm feelings that she can see a life together as well. I realize there is still work to be done, foundation to build, trust to establish, but hearing a positive prognosis from her is what I needed to hear to keep going today!

Valentines Day Why didn't I do this years ago?!? Things I have been asking myself all weekend. We had a wonderful time! She loves top golf and is really good! I drove 2 hours and we ate at a gluten free restaurant! Amazing food! Lots of food for the price! then played top golf! I got my butt kicked the majority of the time there. I didn't let her win either. She just handed over a butt-kickin'. I got us a hotel room at a Mariot, (I get amazing deals being a pilot), they upgraded our room to a king suit and she was blown away! Had an amazing night. intimate talks, discussed how proud of her I was with how far she has come on her self building program, the way she is communicating, we both brought up asks, and boundaries, discussed ideal vs 90% and what we physically could do and not promise things that were unsustainable. It was a wonderful connection weekend! Saturday we woke up and had a full day planned of coffee shops, Hangout shops, gluten free bakeries, idea planning for her new business all going extremely smoothly. We got home Saturday night feeling completely worn out. I had Liz's stepmom pick up flowers I ordered for Liz and drop them off at her spot on the dinner table while we were gone. I think I seen a tear roll down her face when she saw the flowers. She was not expecting them at all! It was nice to sleep in our own bed. Sunday was full as well as we both played in the worship band at church Sunday morning and played a concert in another band we are in Sunday night. Long weekend but Great weekend! I also just asked her for a list of 10 things or more that are calm and meaningful to her. I also scheduled date nights and her big birthday bash on google calendars and invited her to them! Keep doing the work! The payoff is absolutely amazing!

This is a win, but it is a tough one to see. I have been torn on when exactly I can dedicate myself to the lessons and "me time". However, the process is working. She initiated a hello kiss when she got home, she recommended that i go do a couple things that were purely entertainment but good for me. She snuggles up right next to me when she comes to bed (I work early so unfortunately i do go to bed before her). She asked me the "do you still love me?" right away that hit hard, but i think with the acts ive seen and that question, means she is considering bringing down the walls and obviously she still has a defensive posture and concerned about making herself vulnerable to hurt. I assured her more than anything, squeezed her tight and told her my hopes are that she never has to ask that question again. Positive vibes!! Vigilor - Out!

As we talked she said she would like to have me over this evening to mount her TV and have dinner and that she would reach out later on today

Delivered my letter. I am traveling all week this week and so wrote my letter out and then took a picture of it and sent via email. Explained in the email that I would have like to share it had written but wasn’t able to before I left but would have the hand written letter for him when I get home. He did send me a text about a day later thanking me for the letter.

Y'all!!!! I have literally seen my spouse for the 4th time in 5 days since Sunday! Sunday’s dinner was confusing. Both so good in actions, but the words…ugh! Monday, all I could think was Coach Josh reminding us all that actions come before the words. I literally replayed him saying “actions come before the words” probably 100x over. Tuesday, we had our weekly lunch followed by a business meeting for a total of 3 hours together, lots of laughter and funny stories and some follow-up work discussions. Yesterday, he left work to give me a ride while my car was having maintenance, because I was missing something that is important to me. Just now he just “popped by the house” to leave his front door key in the lockbox for the hardwood guys starting this upcoming week while I am traveling. I had already told him that I would have one made, but he thought it would be “easier on me.” While he was here, he came in and asked if there was anything he could help with. Of course I gave him the task of hanging a new painting I had purchased, and I had a small ask for him. He happily obliged and got to work, and of course I praised him and told him what a wonderful surprise it was to see him today! I see movement even without the words matching up yet!

Its kind of neat how the lessons before and just knowing this is for US and not our spouse leads to a transformation already. Being here is for US not your spouse. (first thing on becoming alluring) The benefit is that our spouse will see the change, and the marriage will improve. The second thing for me is reading more. I struggle to read but I'm getting a lot better. This is going to help me understand future business opportunities I'm looking into to set us up better for retirement. (allowing for more time with my spouse later on in marriage to enjoy the fruits of our labor) The third thing is working out! I've already started reading and working out about 2 weeks ago. The reason I said this program leads to bettering yourself sometimes before we get to the lessons. It's just a great reinforcement to the actions we are taking as our SUPERHERO! Working out is part of taking care of my body is going to be part of my first ask. We used to go to bed before 9pm when she was working as a travel surg tech. Since she has been off, bedtime has crept back to midnight and lately that has really been affecting me in the sleep I get due to me starting my mornings usually before 4am. (I love my mornings and I'm the most productive if I get started by 4 am) My ask is going to be if we could be in bed by 10pm at the latest every night like we used to. That will lead to me being easier to be in a better mood, more intimacy time, better connections and just better physical health. I already know that Ideal isn't going to happen given my very fluid schedule and commitments I have sometimes but 90% is easily doable. Its great how all of these lesson tie into each other for an overall better you. SUPERHERO!!!!!

She reached out to me twice this weekend for hugs!

Oh my gosh After a string of texts this morning between my spouse and I, he has asked me dinner tomorrow evening. He’s even coming to pick me up at our home. I feel like a teenager right with all the feels! Only positive thoughts! Only positive thoughts!

I sent my spouse a text this evening regarding our college freshman’s housing for next year. I received an immediate response and a 2nd text with a “Thank you for taking care of that.” No long pause. No waiting for 30 minutes. An immediate response and thank you! I’m noticing less pushback between our lunches!

Hi. Monday night my husband responded to my letter. He sat me down when he came in from work. He said he wants to move forward & work things out together. He wants to see me more consistent in my efforts while noticing my shift & attempts to change over the last few months. Back in November and even just within the last 10 days he was considering divorce.. He is curious about this coaching program as I referenced it in my letter to him. I have a lot more work to do and need to keep proving I can do this & doing the hard work. He told me that he wants me to do this work for us, but more importantly for me. It felt very validating to hear him say that. Thanks for letting me share on this platform. I feel so grateful and proud that I took this step and wrote the letter. I’m finally feeling some hope.

It was weekly lunch date day, and today the universe put us at our home just minutes before we should’ve met close by. I pivoted and grabbed takeout for us on the way. It was the first time we had been alone in our home together since November 14th. It was awkward at first but felt safe and comfortable by the time he had to get back to the office. Today’s hug was a little longer, a little tighter and a little more hopeful. He did say, “I love you,” when leaving.❤️ (Hoping for more of these in the future!)

Check in. My spouse and I still are living together and everything we are doing has been working really well. Check ins happen more than once a week for us. A couple times really. We celebrate each other on nights that something great happened with one or both of us. We discuss how that made us feel. If she says anything with concern then I just let her talk. I keep asking about anything else. We discuss it and come up with a plan to move forward and grow our marriage. This weeks celebration has been her starting up her business. It’s really taken off lately out of the house and we looked at a building today to put her business in. She asked me about my thoughts and concerns. She listened to everything I had to say. We wrote down everything and came up with a plan to make it work, budget and all. I told her this is going to require a lot of teamwork and communication to get the building ready and to make this work right in the middle of building us. She said she knew. It’s been her dream her whole life and I’m going to support her and help her all I can. Tonight’s couples devotion was about supporting each other. We discussed her business she is starting and then she asked how she could support me. I said the business I tried to start 3 years ago that you said no to every time I asked, I would like support on that. We discussed that in depth as well. Our conversations have been more depth than we have ever had. Our check in are often n the same format discussed here. Truly a blessing to see it all work. We have went 5 or 6 days without any setbacks. I’m super happy! Still a lot of work to do and staying the course!

After a coaching call, I am taking time to shift from the over-giving, over-doing, overly independent wife to coming into my feminine energy more in communication and creating magnetism. Over the past 5 days, I’ve been asking for more of “Could I ask a favor?”, “What is your opinion on…?” and lots of praise of appreciation when he responds. I am receiving “emotion” even through text. I had noticed recently his tone of responses has changed. This morning I asked if he could do something for me that would be easy for him and out of my way, he responded, “Absolutely!!!!!” with 5 exclamation marks.

It was a good weekend. I felt like our conversations were more deliberate and genuine. Before they would feel scripted and just going through the actions... I felt like we were both there, she grabbed and held my hand as we walked through a parking lot (Touch is one of my languages...) the fun/mindless messages have started to return. I don't want to get over confident but I feel like the walls are starting to become more permeable... Here's to moving in the right direction!!

Last night in casual conversation my wife said "we need to" she has been saying I for the last three weeks. Later instead of calling me Chris, which how she has been referring to me since this began, she referred to me as babe which is what she normally calls me.

Support 101 I practiced the do you need an ear or advice multiple times to which my wife and I had a conversation asking if this verbiage was part of coaching lol. I continue to talk freely about the course work and let her hold me accountable. I have learned and try to remember using support vs help in my conversations. I have found my offering help has a connections to my wife believing I’m trying to fix a situation vs make one simplified with physical support. Defining concepts here has helped me understand how I have been communicating and how to make things more clear.

Super hero life makes life easier. I’m celebrating my weekend win while my wife reads her book next to me. I wasn’t sure what to write after a great date night and weekend, but I realized the simple changes made to be my super hero are even making my life outside my marriage easier and more enjoyable as well. I could list a ton of boring things to many of us however my win is enjoying this moment, staying consistent, being grateful for the coaching, and waiting on what next I can unlock to learn more.

She responded in 2 hours of finding my letter. She acknowledged the letter could not have been easy to write and of the work I had already been doing and appreciation for the person I am working to become. I'm thankful for a response and it only motivates me more to keep this process moving forward. It's a long road but I'm hoping this is a sign that I am at least on the right road.

Just the beginning..... I feel really good about such a positive change that would not have been possible without this coaching. I completely understand I have an opportunity and I am just beginning to unlock a correct way to show up as a spouse. I’ve screwed this up before and I don’t want to do it again. I’m 100 percent in thanks to my coaches and I want to wake up each day grateful that I have an opportunity to be with my wife no matter how great our marriage becomes. She deserves that from me.

Check in Michelle and I sat down and talked about our celebrations , and shared our thoughts and feelings on how our daily interactions are going. I feel that we are in an almost new relationship. With both of us being patient, understanding and loving .

Check - In was better than expected. We shared and listened to each other. Scheduled a time to discuss what was shared. Weekly Friday check - ins are on the calendar.

So my husband started going back to his counselor after a break over the holidays and she had surgery. He shared with me today that this last session yesterday was such a productive one as he had so many positive things to share about our relationship and the changes he has been seeing , as well as the way we are both approaching each other. He said he knew that there was a promise for real lasting change when he got a text from ( Cassie and Josh helped with ) about the impending Christmas Eve services and how I took ownership for my emotions and accepted his answer . It is so important for us to lead by example even when it is hard and not wanting to swallow it all , it wasn’t all us that created the argument . There are two people in all interactions. I am here to say that by doing that , it has led to so many positive changes on both our parts and when we do disagree , we come back and repair quickly. Thank @Cassie Fuller and @Josh Fuller for helping my marriage ! ❤️

Another positive interaction My spouse and one of our employees came to the house today to take care of a few items from the list I had given my husband during lunch on Monday. He took care of everything on my list with a smile! Well...the leak which caused the hardwood to buckle in the foyer is going to take some time. (Darn…an excuse to get him back over.) He was here for about 3 hours…*gasp* he even mopped the floor 2x in the foyer area where the hardwood had to come up and vacuumed the surrounding areas after taking the plastic sheeting down. He has given me a side hug after each visit, but today I asked him for a proper hug. He obliged…and I think I felt him release a little sigh…and gave me a sweet smile after. I am going out of town for the weekend, so he is coming by to check on everything while I am away. (Big rains headed this way.) We have our next lunch date scheduled for next Tuesday.

She text me today and wants to work on things. Going call this evening to talk about things. Glory to God. Big news.

We Fell Asleep Holding Hands! I know it doesn’t seem like much, but we fell asleep holding hands last night. After having them shy away or blatantly refuse touch, it was so nice to have their touch and affection!